Be careful what you wish for.

Be careful what you wish for. Sometimes life smiles upon you and smacks you upside the head with the full meaning of the phrase. Many people frequently wish for more money, a big family, a better job, etc. They don't think of the possible downsides.

More money: higher taxes, people asking for loans, various other things I'm sure.

Big family: health scares, trips to the hospital, conflicting personalities, and a lot more.

Better Job: I fell into this trap. I wanted a better paying job not too long back and I got it. The problem is I work nights now, not much time left for writing. I sleep during the day, not enough sunlight. I constantly feel run down and sickly. I make more money yes, but I'm miserable doing it. So I'm back to looking for a better job.

How does this relate to writing? 

Well this comes with a big piece of advice. Before embarking on chasing that writing dream, think about it. Make sure it's what you want. The rejection game is hard. Each rejection hurts. Slowly the hurt fades but the wound is opened again every time you receive one. Form rejections suck, sometimes personal notes hurt even more. Get ready to hear the phrase "You're a good writer but I didn't fall in love with this." more times than you can count.

I think agents feel that softens the blow and sometimes it does but mostly it just hurts. If I'm a good writer, they why didn't you fall in love with it? What do you think needs changed? Why won't you work with me?

That's the big thing to remember. The agents are rejecting your work, not you personally. It's a hard separation to remember but it's the truth. They aren't rejecting you because they don't like you as a person, but for one reason or another they don't like your work enough to put their name on the line trying to sell it. 

I'm sure after you get accepted life gets better and harder in some ways. I'll let you know once I get to that point. Right now I'm still in the rejection game. I have the talent, I have the right ideas, I just haven't found the agent that agrees with me. Maybe this is the hardest hurdle to jump, I don't know yet. I do know that you need to be careful what you wish for, sometimes you'll get it. Sometimes you'll end up with nothing but faded dreams.

Great News!

Not really but hey it made a great title. I just realized that I have been shopping around my manuscript for over a year now. Isn't that crazy? I've learned a lot since then so let me share some lessons that might help you when/if you decide to write a novel and try to shop it around.

1. You will screw everything up when you first start trying to query agents. This isn't really your fault, it's just that you really don't know what you're doing, even if you think you know, you don't know. Don't Blame yourself.

2. You may think your query letter is great, but it isn't. Again this isn't really your fault. It's a little like a trial and error process. Best to do the trials with a critique group than with actual agents. No sense burning bridges you don't have to.

3. When you get pissed off don't lash out at agents on your blog. I've done this, the post has since been deleted. I would like to apologize to the agent that was the victim even though I never mentioned her name. It was unprofessional of me, and I really wasn't mad at her.

4. You will get frustrated. Chalk this up to a case of shit happens. Or look at this period as paying your dues. Accept it for what it is and move on. You don't need a coronary yet.

5. There are really great people out there. Seriously there are writing and critique communities that are just awesome. For example there is Scribophile . Use these communities. They help deal with the frustration.

Well that's it from me for now. Hopefully soon I will actually have great news.

Guess What!

You're wrong. I haven't gotten an agent yet. Did you know it could take so long to get an agent? Yeah actually it's apparently normal. Oh well I keep plugging away. I've submitted to a few that I'm actually very hopeful about so I'm keeping my fingers crossed on that front.

Anyway I'm hoping to soon start a new feature here on Author's Block. If I can get some agents to participate I'm hoping to start posting some interviews here so you can get to know agents and maybe it'll help you find an agent... if you're looking. If you aren't looking well then I guess maybe it won't matter but perhaps you'll be entertained and really that's all that matters isn't it? Of course it is.

Stay tuned for further developments.

I suck at this

I assure you, I am a much better writer than I am a blogger. I don't know what it is but for some reason I just can't get myself on any type of a normal blogging schedule. Then of course life happens and the blog slips my mind until something reminds me of it and so then I have to post.

So I'm posting.

I don't really have much to write about though. I'm waiting for a twitter pitch contest to end. I'll know if I'm in the main contest tomorrow so nothing to say on that front. I'm still waiting on agents to get back to me and I'm waiting on a couple of publishers to get back to me.

Soo I'm waiting, writing, and working. I'm also going to be having surgery on the 23rd to see what exactly I did to my right wrist. I assure you I didn't slip and hit a wall.

Anyway that's what's going on right now. Thank you for allowing me to eat away... say five minutes of your life, maybe seven if you stopped to see if I was right about the five.

Been Awhile

So why has it been so long since I've blogged. The short answer is that I'm lazy, sorry. The long answer is that while I am lazy I've also been busy and have had a bit of bad luck. I injured my right wrist at work and that makes it very difficult to type much. 

That being said I am nothing if not a dedicated writer and so I have begun book two of the "Ragged Edge" series. This one is titled "Swamped" and you lucky people get an unedited, sneak peak at the first paragraph or so. Enjoy.

It's amazing how much life can change after you die. I should know. I died a year ago, I've been back for four months. My name is Sean Gryphon, I am the Phoenix. Unfortunately when the goddess Danu sent me back, she didn't give me an instruction manual. So in four months I have managed to catch quite a few things on fire, and watch my body waste away. It's only been a few months but my life has crashed around me. The woman I love found another man while I was dead. I can't blame her though, Ilsy is a wonderful woman, I rushed back to her when I rose from the ashes of my former body. It had been too long, I kept myself hidden from her, watched her and her new man, left her a note, and took back my car. I don't know why she took my car, it's mine, I only had to pay for it with my heart.

  There you go first unedited sneak peak. If you want the stats I am about 13,000 words into it. That's it I'm saying no more.

And on the agent front I'm still unsigned. That's okay though, I'm still plugging away.

First page Excerpt

Here is the first page of "Ragged Edge: Cry of the Phoenix." Enjoy.

You don't actually lay on a psychologist's couch. I mean you can if you want but usually you just sit there, face to face, with someone that's trying to understand what is going on in your head. It's intimidating the first few times, then you get use to it and sometimes, for fun, mess with the headshrinker.

I wasn't having fun. My shrink likes sounding smarter than he is. He's full of nonsense phrases like "I see" and "that seems only natural" and my personal favorite, "I understand". When he uses those phrases I want to reach out and break his nose then ask him if he still sees and understands, and how natural does it feel. I haven't done it... yet.

My shrink has me classified as “functionally deranged”, meaning I'm delusional but I'm not a danger to myself or society as a whole. He's wrong on both counts but its nice having someone I can talk to about everything. Sure, he didn't believe me when I told him what I am, and he doesn't believe some of the things I say I do, but that's not important. It's just important to have someone I can talk to about the ragged edges of my life.

Those ragged edges, everyone has them, some people notice them, and most don't. Those are the edges where the reality you think exists clashes against the edges of the reality that truly exists. Seeing shadows out of the corner of your eye, strange lights in the sky, hearing voices with no one around to produce them. Those are the edges people try to ignore, pass off as hallucinations; or mental illness. The problem however, is that they are real.

Those edges brought me to this shrink. I have friends I could've talked to but I didn't want them thinking I was nuts or worse, turn their backs on me. Doctor Johnson had become my closest confidant. I could tell him whatever I wanted with no worries about what he thought of me. Most of the time he didn't believe me anyway.

 

Ramblings

So it's been a fairly long time since I've had anything to post. Normally I post about writing and trying to help any of you readers with your own careers or amuse you with my own stories. Sometimes it's merely to attempt a figuratively cathartic experience of banging my head against a wall to relieve stress and try to improve my mood and outlook.

Sorry to say this post will have very little to do with writing. Though for those that are keeping track I'm currently at 43 rejections. I'm not getting as many form rejections since I reworked my query letter, though I'm also not getting much usable advice from the personal notes. Still, it's looking up I guess.

No this post is more along the lines of a personal journal entry. If you don't care then feel free to leave now and wait for the next post. If you do care then I guess I don't have to tell you to keep reading so I won't.

See I'm a fairly open person. I accept almost anyone and anything. If something you do makes you happy and doesn't hurt anyone then do it. Somethings I feel very passionate about. Those things I will defend and advocate until my last breath. Normally this is actually not as dramatic as it may sound. Sometimes if I'm not in the mood to argue with someone I'll simply call them an idiot and walk away. Sometimes I'll argue until I'm blue in the face. 

The problem is my outlook frequently falls directly opposite that of my family. Again usually no big deal. If we have a small gathering we know to stay away from subjects of contention and peace is had by all. At bigger gatherings... well I become obligated to just keep my mouth shut.

The subjects most hotly contested are those of religion and marriage equality. I'm good with religion, if you want to believe some all powerful dude created the universe and everything in it, hey that's okay just don't expect me to believe it also. If you believe that there are a load of powerful gods and goddesses influencing the world and taking a role in your life, hey that's great, personally I'm inclined to agree somewhat. If you don't believe any of that, if you think we all happen to be here by random chance and this life is the end of it, then great if it makes you happy... sometimes I'm inclined to agree.

As for marriage equality. This subject is a bit personal.

You see I'm not gay. I'm in a happy heterosexual marriage, I have four children. I enjoy nothing more than making love with my wife in as many positions and ways as we can physically accomplish. What I'm saying here is that I like sex. I like porn, I like nude art. If you haven't figured it out, I'm a big fan of women. So why would marriage equality be important to me? What does it matter to me if gays are allowed to marry?

Well it boils down to friendship. I don't have many friends, I don't want many friends, and I don't need many friends. The friends I do have though are my family, not in a biological sense but no less real. 

One of my dearest friends is a gay man. I consider him one of my best friends. We don't talk often, in fact we have never even met in person, yet I would gladly put my life on the line for this man. He is the inspiration for one of the characters in my novel, for my favorite character in fact. He has been with his partner for a few years now, in their state they cannot get married. They've considered going somewhere else but they want their friends to be able to attend. I would gladly be among those friends. 

This friend is very talented, he has helped me through some spiritual bumps in my road, and he did the greatest kindness one can do for a writer (next to buying their books) he let me inside his life while doing research for the above mentioned character. He told me of being attracted to a boy as a child, his mother coming down hard on him because of it. I know of his trials and tribulations while coming to terms with that part of himself. I know of the difficulties he has had with his family and the problems they have caused for him and his partner, the important part is that I understand.

I understand that he has been persecuted for the way he was born. He is treated as a second class citizen and has to hope that one day people will decide to give him the same right that heterosexuals take for granted. I understand his pain, and I understand his love for his partner. I also understand that he makes some awesome soap... just not fast enough. 

What's the point?

The point is that I was wounded today. My family is predominately Christian. They are against gay marriage. There was a gathering today for my sister, she is home visiting for a week. I was forced to leave because the topic of conversation turned towards church and ridicule for gay marriage and non-believers. I have learned that the best way for me to face this is to leave the situation. If I become the lone voice of dissent then I become the enemy and tempers flare and feelings are hurt. So my wife and our kids left the gathering. My wife understands why, my kids didn't ask, for them it was just time to go home. 

I hate to say it but sometimes I wish that I were gay, just for the opportunity to force my family to take a more objective view of the situation. To make them decide if their love for me is more important than what they are told their bible tells them to think. Sometimes I think I would win in that situation, other times, I think I would be similar to so many people and be disowned. 

It hurts me that I kept my mouth shut, I feel as though I should have said something, I should have shown them their ignorance. I know though that it would've done no good. 

So this is my rant. This is me venting. I love my friend for so many reasons, he is really one of the best men I know and I hope he reads this. I'm never good at sharing my feelings and I've never told him how much he means to me. It is my hope that one day I will be able to go to his wedding, and see him join my wife and I in this thing called marriage. I hope that one day all of us, gay or straight, will be able to take for granted the right to marry the one we love. 

It is my hope that one day, we as a people understand that love is a more important force than any book, than any outdated belief. 

As I said before, I have four children. My children are very dear to me, I love them more than life itself. What do I think of their sexuality? I don't care. Gay or straight, if they are happy I will support them, I only fear they will have to face a world that discriminates against them for their choices.