I can't believe I forgot this

I've tried doing everything right. Be active on social media, have a blog, meet people, be nice, write a kick ass book, write a good query, write a good synopsis, have a website...

What was that last one? Yeah about that... so I have an official website now at DustynMcCormick.com. I suppose it'll do much better if I actually advertise it. Oops. 

So yeah... basically this blog is going to be allow to waste away while the other flourishes... why? Well if you follow this, then you know... I can barely keep up with one let alone two. So what will you find on the website?

You'll find news, I've been trying to keep everyone abreast of my wife's breast cancer news, my publishing news (nothing new on that front though) and other general thoughts that float through my grey matter on a semi-irregular basis.

Pictures... yes what does your soon to be favorite author look like, you'll find out here. (I'm sorry)

Reviews... or right now review anyway.

Also images... or an image anyway... created by one of my favorite artists Allen Childers.

So hop on over, bookmark it, tell your friends, friends of friends, that weird Uncle that everyone tries to stay away from at gatherings... on second thought never mind about the Uncle. Still, spread the news. Comment, interact with me, give me a reason to open a forum or shun the internet forever... whichever floats your boat.

Insert witty title here.

Just a quick update. My wife had surgery today that hopefully dealt a swift blow to her breast cancer and we can put this fight behind us. It's our third round with cancer, if it's over this quickly I will be thrilled.

Now publishing news... none yet. I'm working on perfecting my synopsis for the agents and editor that wanted to see my work. I've received a literary review of one of my short stories from a Russian Professor... it was pretty awesome and made me happier than a puppy with two peters. Something about knowing that a story you wrote moved someone is just super exciting.

To go along with that the same story will now be used as teaching material at the University of Irkutsk in Russia. Which is also über exciting.

Soo... yeah that's basically it. An exciting time with a hell of an emotional roller-coaster but it's well worth the ups and downs.

Until next time my friends... oh and I'll have the review posted here eventually... once I have it scanned.

The good, the bad, and the Dustyn

So I totally failed in my vow to update every week until the Writer's Digest Conference in New York, and I completely failed at posting anything during the conference. Honestly though, if you follow me here, you shouldn't be surprised.

So here's what happened. I learned some interesting things, I met some totally awesome people, and I have two agents and an editor that want to see my book. I won't say I fell in love with New York City but I did get a pretty bad case of lust for New York City.

So what is going on right now?

Well I am working on writing a synopsis for the ones that want to see my stuff. I'm dealing with a health scare with my wife. Truth be told the day I left she got a biopsy to see if she has another form of cancer. I thought about telling the agents I was pitching my book to about it so they would understand my high level of nerves but then I thought I might get pity requests... or worse, look like I was asking for pity, so I kept it to myself.

I'm also waiting to see if Russia is interested in publishing one of my short stories. I started a new job, crushed a finger two days before the conference and am now sporting 3 lovely stitches. Oddly enough I'm optimistic. Or at least, as optimistic as I get.

You see they often say that in life you must take the good with the bad. I have a theory that the harder the bad is, the better the good is. With writing I'm shooting for the moon. So to attain it I should expect to hit rock bottom.

In the end I believe it will all work out in my favor. Of course I also have a belief that I'm part cat as I have a habit of landing on my feet.

Now I'm going to write my synopsis, curse it, rewrite it, probably curse it again, rewrite it again, bang my head on the desk, maybe cry, curse some more and hopefully then write one I feel comfortable with.

I'm also going to work on a new website and will probably move this blog to it... not fully decided on that right now so we'll see.

With any luck I'll have an answer from the University of Moscow before I finalize things so I can put that in my letter... at least if they accept me and send me a contract.

What does all of this mean for my blog? Well, it basically means that I'll probably keep updating with my normal irregularity, I'll apologize, you'll forgive me because I'm awesome, and then we'll both wait for me to decide to ramble again.

For now my friends, I bid you goodnight, happy trails, farewell... yeah I haven't slept much.

I'm here again

If you're reading this hoping for some type of great writing advice or maybe great news about my fledgling career... well I'm going to disappoint you. This is mostly about personal thoughts and feelings I have to get out before my head explodes.

So my wife had a mammogram awhile back and they found something. We don't know anything yet, more tests have to be done. 

That doesn't really sound dramatic I guess but if it is cancer this will be our third fight with cancer. It almost feels like at this point we get to bitch slap cancer and call it our bitch. Maybe look death in the eye and tell him to blow me.

At the same time I have to wonder... how many times can we win this fight? If we lose can I be a single parent? How can I take care of my kids without her?

I'm an over thinker, I'm a worrier, and a bit pessimistic. How's that for getting to know you're soon to be favorite author? So it's a bit of a given that I think about her death. That I think about being a widower in my 30s.

The thing is I feel helpless, like I'm just a passenger on this train and sometimes I'd like to punch the conductor in the throat. Of course I also know that with her other health issues one day widower will become my marriage status... I'd just rather have that be when I'm old, our kids are grown, and hopefully shortly before I'm ready to shuffle off this mortal coil.

I'm not a great husband, but I try my best. Our life isn't wonderful but I like to think we're mostly happy. I'm not a great human being but I try to be as good as I can and I hope to leave the world a better place than I found it... so why does this shit keep happening?

I don't know. I guess we'll keep going. I'll keep pursuing my writing career and just hoping for the best. Fingers crossed this is just a scare. Thanks for reading my ramble.

Oh my god Dustyn where have you been?

Where have I been? I know I promised to try and update weekly. I'm sorry. I'm horrible at this blogging thing... honestly I'm horrible at social media period. Don't believe me? Check out my Twitter or Facebook pages... my Tumbler is a joke.

I know I need to get better and I will... it's just that I don't have much of anything to say... funny isn't it? I can weave a story and write a novel... update people on my life... meh... no news is good news I guess.

So what's going on with me? Well let's see.

1. Through an odd set of circumstances I have a chance at getting one of my short stories translated and published by the University of Moscow.

How did that come about?

Well it all started with meeting a Russian scholar that was visiting here, we connected talking about literature, she read my writing, loved this particular story, shared it with her Grandfather who insists I'm not an American and also says I don't write for a typical American audience (I felt complimented but that's also a downside since I am American and that is my audience). Anyway what with one thing and another my story is apparently floating around the faculty of the University and it may get published by them... So that's pretty cool.

2. I got fired from my paying job. Now I'll be honest, I didn't love my job, only a few people there managed to not irritate me on a daily basis but I did enjoy the paycheck and the insurance. I won't bother you with the details but the firing came about due to an unfortunate set of circumstances that resulted in me having a major case of cranial rectal inversion and well... it was out of my managers hands and I got shit canned. I did screw up, pretty majorly really, but it still rather sucks. So that's not cool.

If you have a job available let me know.

3. I'm having surgery soon. I mean really soon like on June 2nd soon... it's now June 1st.

What am I having done you ask? I'm having a deviated septum fixed, my sinus cavity cleaned out, and my tonsils and adnoids removed. I've been assured that the healing process is going to suck and that I'm probably going to lose 10 pounds.

So pain isn't cool but I'm looking forward to dropping 10 pounds... if I could drop another 50 or so after that I'd be back my high school weight which would make me one sexy S.O.B.

4. Trip to New York is up in the air now. I haven't cancelled it yet but if I don't find a job relatively soon I'm going to have to cancel it and that would completely suck ass.

So as you can see I have been busy and it's been ups and downs like a normal life.

Luckily I'm like I cat. I don't cough up hairballs but I do usually land on my feet. If I land on my face I'm pretty good at getting up and acting like I meant to eat gravel.

So enjoy my friends. I may or may not go into radio silence during my recover but it doesn't matter at this point. You know as well I do that I'll update when I remember.

Four Months

That's right my faithful friends. I have just four months give or take a few days... or weeks... I don't know I'm bad with time. Anyway just four months until I'm in New York trying to impress agents with my brilliance... or confuse them with my bullshit... doesn't really matter to me which works as long as I get an agent... or a contract from an editor... I'm really not picky.

The thing is I'm a bit of an over thinker. So in my head I've already gone over everything that can go wrong, everything that can go right, everything that can seem like it's wrong but is actually right, everything that seems right but is actually wrong, and of course everything that is just okay.

Yes I've pictured myself returning home victorious with an agent eagerly reading my book then hounding editors nonstop to get published, or coming home utterly defeated and questioning my commitment to writing, or coming home anticipating acceptance or rejection, and of course not making it home because the plane has vanished into an alternate dimension like in Stephen King's book "The Langoliers".

I admit that last one isn't very likely but I like to never rule anything out.

This brings me to the problem of being an over thinker and having a countdown to a potentially life altering event. All possibilities get covered and my mind works so furiously on discovering and preparing for any eventuality that I forget to enjoy the present, I forget to start working on my next novel... working title of "Dragon Song" (it's gonna be totally awesome) and forget that four months is both a long and short time.

So what have I been doing to prepare? Well I've been agonizing over whether or not my pitch is good enough. I have a huge fear of public speaking, I'm good at it but it terrifies me and while I always prepare in advance I also always end up just winging it. I've also started stalking every agent that I hope to pitch to. 

It's not all work though. Of course not, all work and no play makes Dustyn a dull boy... or at least irritating as hell with nonstop talking about all of the aforementioned possibilities. So I'm researching agents, and almost as importantly, I'm looking for Irish Pubs near the hotel because well... I'll be in New York, I have Irish roots, how could I not make it a point to at least hit a few Irish pubs in the short time I have?

So dear readers. If any of you are from New York do me a favor and leave comments on your favorite pubs that are near The Roosevelt hotel. Preferably in easy walking distance. My hope is that I can meet an agent, hit it off, and we can work out a deal over drinks listening to awesome Irish music and commiserate the next morning about how much we drank and forever have a funny shared story about staggering back to the hotel and barely being able to find our rooms... alternatively I suppose it's equally possible that we'd get into a drunken argument over the respective impacts of Poe, King, and Lovecraft on the horror genre as we know it and whether or not Twilight has forever ruined the use of vampires in modern fiction, punches will be thrown and stories about me will circulate through agent circles forever preventing me from succeeding as an author in a traditional publishing scenario... or something like that.

Anyway... New York, Irish Pubs, Roosevelt Hotel... Go.

Adjusting to days

So my move from night shift to day shift has come and gone. I'm in the middle of my second week of days. Here is what I have learned.

1. Adjusting my body clock is a bit more difficult than expected. First weeks went fine... so far the second week has seen me going to sleep and waking up at whatever time my body wants unless the alarm wakes me up first.

2. Letting go of night shift is hard. On nights I was by myself, large and in charge... now I'm just a peon... that's not the worst bit though. No the worst bit is that I made many friends of my night customers. Some even have my phone number... they are not happy with my replacement whom I am told has taken to wearing ear buds while helping customers.

3. I still don't like higher ups. They annoy me and slow down the entire work process.

4. Before the switch I had wild dreams of immediately starting work on my next book while continuing to work on publishing the first... I haven't written a damn thing thanks to the screwy sleeping schedule.

5. I'm not sure I like being a daywalker. Or rather. I like it, but I wish my day shift work was similar to my night shift work.

6. Not a fan of coworkers. It's not that I don't like them as people, it's that... with a few exceptions... I don't like having them at work with me. I liked working alone where the only coworker that could irritate me was... well me.

Good lessons I guess. I'm hoping the internal clock will adjust soon and maybe I can get to work writing by next week. With luck.

I failed

So I failed. I think it's been a couple weeks since I've made a post. I've been uber busy with my regular job and finally got switched to day shift. After a couple days I haven't quite gotten use to it yet so I'm also waiting on my body to adjust to the new sleeping schedule.

The upside is that once I'm adjusted I can get back to a writing schedule that works for me and that will definitely help me get published sooner. Until then it's just keep coping the best I can until my body adjusts to the fact that I'm a day walker now.

So really that's it. Sorry I don't have more to say after a couple weeks. Hopefully soon I'll have more but for now enjoy your evening, morning, or night whatever it is for you.

Did I forget or just do this late

Not sure how well this will work since I'm updating from my phone. Not that I'm at work or anything... in fact I'm currently laying in bed next to my wife... (she is also laying next to me, unlike me however, she is snoring.)

I'm not sure if I should apologize for missing a post last week or if I should say that this post counts as last week's since technically it is Sunday night... but then it's also Monday morning.

We'll anyway. Couple of quick updates. Let's see... soon I will be off night shifts. I know I've said this before but now it's actually just a couple weeks away. Then I get to become a day walker again and I get to use my creative peak period for... well being creative.

I've also decided that I no longer consider myself a horror writer... I'm thinking more along the lines of being a fantasy writer. Couple of reasons for this. As my good friend, and talented artist (I'm somewhat kissing up here because I want him to do illustrations for my self published short story compilation. Shhhh.) Allen Childers (look him up at SpellHawks Press on facebook... lots of great artists there) told me, when I write horror it comes out feeling forced.

He's right, it does. Not sure why though, you would think that someone who reads a load of horror, loves horror movies, and was a paranormal investigator long enough to ruin any enjoyment I get out of horror movies supposedly "based on a true story" (Seriously movies like The Amityville Horror, and The Conjuring mostly just piss me off due to both cases being hoaxes... I'll save that rant though) that I should be good with horror.

I think though that due to my time within the paranormal community I define scary a bit differently and I don't have the talent to write something that would scare me.

Reason number 2. I like Fantasy a little more. The rules are more fluid, I get to play with elves, fairies, Dragons (I can meddle in their affairs because I'm neither crunchy nor do I taste good with ketchup... I might taste good with mashed potatoes and some gravy but Dragons generally don't have the patience to make creamy mashed potatoes and a good gravy, just a little known fact for you) and if I don't like the way the land masses, laws, or physics work... then I can make my own.

Really there isn't much I enjoy more than giving the world the finger and making my own rules.

Also I have finally booked my flights to be in New York for the Writer's Digest Convention July 31st to August 2nd. So if you happen to read my blog, don't already know me personally (though you do know me pretty well since, in a weird way, you're in my bed right now) feel free to come say Hi, Hello, Howdy, or any variation thereof. Try to avoid heaping adoration on me (if you absolutely must then invite me to dinner and do it privately I'm a bit shy in public), on the flip side of that if you feel the strong desire to spew hate filled bile in my direction plea s e direct your attention to the nearest bathroom find an unoccupied toilet stick your head in it and flush.

That's really all I have for this week. Not sure how well updating in the wee hours works for me. I should also mention that I've taken a couple of pain pulls due to tweaking my back in a most heroic grocery shopping incident wherein I battled a nefarious bag of charcoal off a high shelf and out from under many of its closest allies that were conspiring to weigh it down. I would have grabbed the top bag except it was insidiously out of my reach and the well known store I was in refuses to have enough employees on shift to actually assist customers. Soo laying down hurts me, but I haven't perfected the art of sleeping while standing. Might have to ask a Centaur for help with that.

Okay so now you've been in my bed, seen me on pain medication, and could hopefully read this as I don't seem to be able to make font changes and such on my phone. May have to edit those in later.

Until next time, goodnight, or good morning, have a nice day... or night.

Rest in Peace Sir Terry Pratchett

I've been wanting to make this post since I first heard the news that Sir Terry Pratchett passed away. I just didn't know what to say.

I'm a big Terry Pratchett fan, won't claim to be the biggest, but I love the man's work. Even though I never had the chance to meet him I consider him a friend. This may seem odd but I consider all the author's I enjoy friends. Who but a friend can make you feel a wide range of emotions yet keep you coming back to them.

That being said when I first heard that Sir Terry had passed away though a facebook post by Neil Gaiman, I was stunned. I knew he was ill, I knew one day he would pass away, but knowing a thing is going to happen and having it actually happen are two different things.

I read his final four tweets, even in death he remained a story teller. I shed tears for this man I admired and never really knew. I would like to say that he was a great man, I'm sure his real friends would agree, sometimes I liked to think that if we ever met he would see something in me and my writing and take me under his wing as I struggled to get my fledgling writing career off the ground. That won't happen now, and I don't care.

What I do care about is that there will be no new adventures on that wonderful Disc World that he created. No more bumbling wizards to laugh at, strange magic to fear, corrupt politicians to hate and fear, and sometimes even admire. The Great A'Tuin has reached it's final destination, the elephants have passed away, and the disc has finished it's journey.

Death came and took Sir Terry long before his time. A man such as he deserved so much more time on this world for he had so much to give. I like to think that, like the death in his books, Death hesitated and didn't want to take his life. 

All that is left is his works, and that's really not a bad thing. We can always open one of his books and relive the stories he told, delight in his satire that so perfectly mirrored the world we live in and showed us the absurdity that much of life holds, if we were willing to look. 

Those precious books mean more now than ever, the denizens of his worlds will have no more new adventures, but in his books they live on, in his books he lives on. 

Sir Terry Pratchett's soul has left our world for one where he will be happiest, but his spirit stays with us in every word and every line of every book he wrote. Like a photograph of a loved one these books are but pale memories and little comfort but they are all we have left. 

Goodbye Sir Terry Pratchett, I will miss you. In my mind the streets of Ankh-Morpork are now empty, the gates to Unseen University are closed, and the Librarian has eaten his final banana. Now they will only live again when we open the books and read about them again, now you will live again whenever those books are read. In this sense you are not truly gone, you will never be forgotten, you will forever be missed.

Farewell friend I never met. You brought me joy, sadness, and inspiration, for that, you will forever be in the library of my heart.

Publishing Announcement

What, publishing news, am I finally being published? 

Well... yes and no. I am going to be compiling all of my short stories and self publishing them. Still working on details, editing, getting some illustrations done, and even writing a few new stories... but, yeah I'm going to be putting a book out there. More news will follow when I have more details but right now I'm shooting for a June or July publication date.

Also gotta figure out a title. I suck with titles honestly. Still it's news and it's kind of exciting. 

I solemnly swear I will do this blogging thing properly this time.

Hello. It's been awhile since you and I have spoken. Or, more accurately, it's been awhile since I've written a post for you to read. The last time we spoke I was looking for a new job because I was working nights and that cut into my writing time.

Well... I'm still working nights, my writing time is still at a minimum and I have literally taken time off just to get a little writing done. Thankfully I have an understanding boss that supports me. I'm trying to stay with the same company and switch to day shift but apparently it's very difficult to find a trustworthy person that is willing and able to work night shift in a convenience store in a neighborhood that isn't the greatest. I mean it's not really a bad neighborhood but we get our share of freaks and weirdos. I'd elaborate but you'll get to meet them soon enough in upcoming works.

So what's going on with me right now? Well a lot and nothing all at the same time.

I have edited my novel... again. I'm learning that editing a book is harder than actually writing the book. I'm acquiring more rejections from query letters (thinking about sending flowers or something to the lucky agent that becomes my 100th rejection), and I have registered to attend the annual Writer's Digest Conference most importantly I am registered to attend a Pitch Slam at the same event. 

Exciting right? Well the conference isn't for about another five months. So there is plenty of time for the excitement to build and my nerves to get the better of me.

See I have a secret. I am a terminal introvert and painfully shy. I don't enjoy talking to people I don't know, I'm not a huge fan of meeting new people, and large crowds have given me panic attacks in the past. 

Now for the contradictory part. I excel in public speaking, I've worked in customer service for years and my customers usually love me and my outgoing personality. Kind of funny huh? 

So how do I have excellent customer service skills, give engaging lectures, and hide my painful social awkwardness? Well first and foremost I drive my wife nuts when the nerves start making me antsy. I love my wife because she puts up with me and my obnoxious anxiousness among other reasons. Then I usually pretend that I am speaking to the world's worst dopplegangers.

What do I mean by that? Well usually when I'm speaking to group or meeting someone new on a one on one basis I imagine that I'm basically just talking to myself. I excel at talking to myself. The thing is, nobody in the group looks like me, they don't sound like me, and they don't think like me. So they aren't very good dopplegangers. 

Why does this tactic work for me? Well it's a simple self delusion really. You see, I always want what is best for me. So by pretending that the new person, or the group, are other versions of me then I'm able to assume that they also want what is best for me. That helps calm my nerves because I'm not going to ridicule myself and if I do run into someone that doesn't like me, does ridicule me, or is simply a jerk to me... well I never said that I can't be an asshole.

Well this is getting long so time to wrap it up. I am going to make a promise to you my dear reader. I promise that for the next five months I am going to make at least one blog post a week. It may not always be on the same day, and it may not always be interesting, but I'm going to do it. 

I make this promise because I know you want to read more about me, I know I need to get better at blogging and I need to get better with social media. 

Why do I need to do this? Well, if all goes well, I will have an agent after the conference. Once I get the agent hopefully I will get a book deal, once I get the book deal I will have fans. I'm hoping to fans prior to selling the book, but I will definitely have them after. This means I need to be better at interacting with the public and my fans. I have to be willing to step outside of myself and interact with people I don't know. 

So that is my promise. We'll get cozy, get to know each other, and hopefully soon will be enjoying exciting news together. 

I'll be seeing you, and you'll be seeing more of me. 

Be careful what you wish for.

Be careful what you wish for. Sometimes life smiles upon you and smacks you upside the head with the full meaning of the phrase. Many people frequently wish for more money, a big family, a better job, etc. They don't think of the possible downsides.

More money: higher taxes, people asking for loans, various other things I'm sure.

Big family: health scares, trips to the hospital, conflicting personalities, and a lot more.

Better Job: I fell into this trap. I wanted a better paying job not too long back and I got it. The problem is I work nights now, not much time left for writing. I sleep during the day, not enough sunlight. I constantly feel run down and sickly. I make more money yes, but I'm miserable doing it. So I'm back to looking for a better job.

How does this relate to writing? 

Well this comes with a big piece of advice. Before embarking on chasing that writing dream, think about it. Make sure it's what you want. The rejection game is hard. Each rejection hurts. Slowly the hurt fades but the wound is opened again every time you receive one. Form rejections suck, sometimes personal notes hurt even more. Get ready to hear the phrase "You're a good writer but I didn't fall in love with this." more times than you can count.

I think agents feel that softens the blow and sometimes it does but mostly it just hurts. If I'm a good writer, they why didn't you fall in love with it? What do you think needs changed? Why won't you work with me?

That's the big thing to remember. The agents are rejecting your work, not you personally. It's a hard separation to remember but it's the truth. They aren't rejecting you because they don't like you as a person, but for one reason or another they don't like your work enough to put their name on the line trying to sell it. 

I'm sure after you get accepted life gets better and harder in some ways. I'll let you know once I get to that point. Right now I'm still in the rejection game. I have the talent, I have the right ideas, I just haven't found the agent that agrees with me. Maybe this is the hardest hurdle to jump, I don't know yet. I do know that you need to be careful what you wish for, sometimes you'll get it. Sometimes you'll end up with nothing but faded dreams.

Great News!

Not really but hey it made a great title. I just realized that I have been shopping around my manuscript for over a year now. Isn't that crazy? I've learned a lot since then so let me share some lessons that might help you when/if you decide to write a novel and try to shop it around.

1. You will screw everything up when you first start trying to query agents. This isn't really your fault, it's just that you really don't know what you're doing, even if you think you know, you don't know. Don't Blame yourself.

2. You may think your query letter is great, but it isn't. Again this isn't really your fault. It's a little like a trial and error process. Best to do the trials with a critique group than with actual agents. No sense burning bridges you don't have to.

3. When you get pissed off don't lash out at agents on your blog. I've done this, the post has since been deleted. I would like to apologize to the agent that was the victim even though I never mentioned her name. It was unprofessional of me, and I really wasn't mad at her.

4. You will get frustrated. Chalk this up to a case of shit happens. Or look at this period as paying your dues. Accept it for what it is and move on. You don't need a coronary yet.

5. There are really great people out there. Seriously there are writing and critique communities that are just awesome. For example there is Scribophile . Use these communities. They help deal with the frustration.

Well that's it from me for now. Hopefully soon I will actually have great news.

Guess What!

You're wrong. I haven't gotten an agent yet. Did you know it could take so long to get an agent? Yeah actually it's apparently normal. Oh well I keep plugging away. I've submitted to a few that I'm actually very hopeful about so I'm keeping my fingers crossed on that front.

Anyway I'm hoping to soon start a new feature here on Author's Block. If I can get some agents to participate I'm hoping to start posting some interviews here so you can get to know agents and maybe it'll help you find an agent... if you're looking. If you aren't looking well then I guess maybe it won't matter but perhaps you'll be entertained and really that's all that matters isn't it? Of course it is.

Stay tuned for further developments.

I suck at this

I assure you, I am a much better writer than I am a blogger. I don't know what it is but for some reason I just can't get myself on any type of a normal blogging schedule. Then of course life happens and the blog slips my mind until something reminds me of it and so then I have to post.

So I'm posting.

I don't really have much to write about though. I'm waiting for a twitter pitch contest to end. I'll know if I'm in the main contest tomorrow so nothing to say on that front. I'm still waiting on agents to get back to me and I'm waiting on a couple of publishers to get back to me.

Soo I'm waiting, writing, and working. I'm also going to be having surgery on the 23rd to see what exactly I did to my right wrist. I assure you I didn't slip and hit a wall.

Anyway that's what's going on right now. Thank you for allowing me to eat away... say five minutes of your life, maybe seven if you stopped to see if I was right about the five.

Been Awhile

So why has it been so long since I've blogged. The short answer is that I'm lazy, sorry. The long answer is that while I am lazy I've also been busy and have had a bit of bad luck. I injured my right wrist at work and that makes it very difficult to type much. 

That being said I am nothing if not a dedicated writer and so I have begun book two of the "Ragged Edge" series. This one is titled "Swamped" and you lucky people get an unedited, sneak peak at the first paragraph or so. Enjoy.

It's amazing how much life can change after you die. I should know. I died a year ago, I've been back for four months. My name is Sean Gryphon, I am the Phoenix. Unfortunately when the goddess Danu sent me back, she didn't give me an instruction manual. So in four months I have managed to catch quite a few things on fire, and watch my body waste away. It's only been a few months but my life has crashed around me. The woman I love found another man while I was dead. I can't blame her though, Ilsy is a wonderful woman, I rushed back to her when I rose from the ashes of my former body. It had been too long, I kept myself hidden from her, watched her and her new man, left her a note, and took back my car. I don't know why she took my car, it's mine, I only had to pay for it with my heart.

  There you go first unedited sneak peak. If you want the stats I am about 13,000 words into it. That's it I'm saying no more.

And on the agent front I'm still unsigned. That's okay though, I'm still plugging away.

First page Excerpt

Here is the first page of "Ragged Edge: Cry of the Phoenix." Enjoy.

You don't actually lay on a psychologist's couch. I mean you can if you want but usually you just sit there, face to face, with someone that's trying to understand what is going on in your head. It's intimidating the first few times, then you get use to it and sometimes, for fun, mess with the headshrinker.

I wasn't having fun. My shrink likes sounding smarter than he is. He's full of nonsense phrases like "I see" and "that seems only natural" and my personal favorite, "I understand". When he uses those phrases I want to reach out and break his nose then ask him if he still sees and understands, and how natural does it feel. I haven't done it... yet.

My shrink has me classified as “functionally deranged”, meaning I'm delusional but I'm not a danger to myself or society as a whole. He's wrong on both counts but its nice having someone I can talk to about everything. Sure, he didn't believe me when I told him what I am, and he doesn't believe some of the things I say I do, but that's not important. It's just important to have someone I can talk to about the ragged edges of my life.

Those ragged edges, everyone has them, some people notice them, and most don't. Those are the edges where the reality you think exists clashes against the edges of the reality that truly exists. Seeing shadows out of the corner of your eye, strange lights in the sky, hearing voices with no one around to produce them. Those are the edges people try to ignore, pass off as hallucinations; or mental illness. The problem however, is that they are real.

Those edges brought me to this shrink. I have friends I could've talked to but I didn't want them thinking I was nuts or worse, turn their backs on me. Doctor Johnson had become my closest confidant. I could tell him whatever I wanted with no worries about what he thought of me. Most of the time he didn't believe me anyway.

 

Ramblings

So it's been a fairly long time since I've had anything to post. Normally I post about writing and trying to help any of you readers with your own careers or amuse you with my own stories. Sometimes it's merely to attempt a figuratively cathartic experience of banging my head against a wall to relieve stress and try to improve my mood and outlook.

Sorry to say this post will have very little to do with writing. Though for those that are keeping track I'm currently at 43 rejections. I'm not getting as many form rejections since I reworked my query letter, though I'm also not getting much usable advice from the personal notes. Still, it's looking up I guess.

No this post is more along the lines of a personal journal entry. If you don't care then feel free to leave now and wait for the next post. If you do care then I guess I don't have to tell you to keep reading so I won't.

See I'm a fairly open person. I accept almost anyone and anything. If something you do makes you happy and doesn't hurt anyone then do it. Somethings I feel very passionate about. Those things I will defend and advocate until my last breath. Normally this is actually not as dramatic as it may sound. Sometimes if I'm not in the mood to argue with someone I'll simply call them an idiot and walk away. Sometimes I'll argue until I'm blue in the face. 

The problem is my outlook frequently falls directly opposite that of my family. Again usually no big deal. If we have a small gathering we know to stay away from subjects of contention and peace is had by all. At bigger gatherings... well I become obligated to just keep my mouth shut.

The subjects most hotly contested are those of religion and marriage equality. I'm good with religion, if you want to believe some all powerful dude created the universe and everything in it, hey that's okay just don't expect me to believe it also. If you believe that there are a load of powerful gods and goddesses influencing the world and taking a role in your life, hey that's great, personally I'm inclined to agree somewhat. If you don't believe any of that, if you think we all happen to be here by random chance and this life is the end of it, then great if it makes you happy... sometimes I'm inclined to agree.

As for marriage equality. This subject is a bit personal.

You see I'm not gay. I'm in a happy heterosexual marriage, I have four children. I enjoy nothing more than making love with my wife in as many positions and ways as we can physically accomplish. What I'm saying here is that I like sex. I like porn, I like nude art. If you haven't figured it out, I'm a big fan of women. So why would marriage equality be important to me? What does it matter to me if gays are allowed to marry?

Well it boils down to friendship. I don't have many friends, I don't want many friends, and I don't need many friends. The friends I do have though are my family, not in a biological sense but no less real. 

One of my dearest friends is a gay man. I consider him one of my best friends. We don't talk often, in fact we have never even met in person, yet I would gladly put my life on the line for this man. He is the inspiration for one of the characters in my novel, for my favorite character in fact. He has been with his partner for a few years now, in their state they cannot get married. They've considered going somewhere else but they want their friends to be able to attend. I would gladly be among those friends. 

This friend is very talented, he has helped me through some spiritual bumps in my road, and he did the greatest kindness one can do for a writer (next to buying their books) he let me inside his life while doing research for the above mentioned character. He told me of being attracted to a boy as a child, his mother coming down hard on him because of it. I know of his trials and tribulations while coming to terms with that part of himself. I know of the difficulties he has had with his family and the problems they have caused for him and his partner, the important part is that I understand.

I understand that he has been persecuted for the way he was born. He is treated as a second class citizen and has to hope that one day people will decide to give him the same right that heterosexuals take for granted. I understand his pain, and I understand his love for his partner. I also understand that he makes some awesome soap... just not fast enough. 

What's the point?

The point is that I was wounded today. My family is predominately Christian. They are against gay marriage. There was a gathering today for my sister, she is home visiting for a week. I was forced to leave because the topic of conversation turned towards church and ridicule for gay marriage and non-believers. I have learned that the best way for me to face this is to leave the situation. If I become the lone voice of dissent then I become the enemy and tempers flare and feelings are hurt. So my wife and our kids left the gathering. My wife understands why, my kids didn't ask, for them it was just time to go home. 

I hate to say it but sometimes I wish that I were gay, just for the opportunity to force my family to take a more objective view of the situation. To make them decide if their love for me is more important than what they are told their bible tells them to think. Sometimes I think I would win in that situation, other times, I think I would be similar to so many people and be disowned. 

It hurts me that I kept my mouth shut, I feel as though I should have said something, I should have shown them their ignorance. I know though that it would've done no good. 

So this is my rant. This is me venting. I love my friend for so many reasons, he is really one of the best men I know and I hope he reads this. I'm never good at sharing my feelings and I've never told him how much he means to me. It is my hope that one day I will be able to go to his wedding, and see him join my wife and I in this thing called marriage. I hope that one day all of us, gay or straight, will be able to take for granted the right to marry the one we love. 

It is my hope that one day, we as a people understand that love is a more important force than any book, than any outdated belief. 

As I said before, I have four children. My children are very dear to me, I love them more than life itself. What do I think of their sexuality? I don't care. Gay or straight, if they are happy I will support them, I only fear they will have to face a world that discriminates against them for their choices. 

 

New... New Query letter.

So I've written another query letter with the help of Lauren Spieller. She was quite the life saver. So now for your viewing pleasure. My NEW... NEW query letter.

Dear Agent,

When an ancient stone tablet detailing the origin of vampires is discovered, Sean Gryphon, an immortal from Atlantis with the ability to change shapes, is commanded to protect the Archaeologist who found it. Sean accepts these orders with all the grace of an elephant on roller-skates, but the ruling council of Atlanteans haven’t given him much choice: either protect Dr. Ilsy Hillerman and prove his worth to the Atlantean race… or die. 

Sean arrives at the home of Dr. Hillerman only to find it besieged by werewolf-alligator hybrids, known as wolfengators. Thinking fast, Sean whisks Ilsy away to his cabin where they plunge into the mysteries of the tablet and each other. They believe the worst is over after a few weeks of hiding. That is, until the original vampire, Lord Kek, sends his forces to reclaim the tablet and Ilsy.

Overpowered and desperate to save the woman he’s fallen in love with Sean sacrifices his own life to destroy Lord Kek’s forces and rescue Ilsy. Luckily, the Celtic Goddess Danu is impressed by his efforts and offers him the chance to return to Ilsy if he undertakes a quest to destroy her most dangerous foe: a mysterious immortal cloaked in shadows, the true power behind Lord Kek.

Complete at 85,000 words, RAGGED EDGE: CRY OF THE PHOENIX, is a supernatural thriller with series potential in the vein of THE DRESDEN FILES and SALEM’S LOT.

 

For the past ten years, I have worked as a paranormal investigator and have given lectures around the state of Kansas on the supernatural. I enjoyed applying my research throughout this novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.